


Amnesia

by uniquecellest



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Humans, M/M, Malec misses each other, Memories, They Aren't, based on the 5sos song Amnesia, star-crossed lovers, they act like they're happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-14
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2019-03-31 08:46:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13971507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uniquecellest/pseuds/uniquecellest
Summary: Alec and Magnus were best friends all their lives, they also loved each other, they just didn't know. Magnus moved away the summer before junior year and both are re-mincing about their lives with each other and what could have been.





	Amnesia

Alec has no idea why he does them to himself. He just drove passed the place he and Magnus used to hangout when they were teenagers where they would talk for hours and hours, get wasted, or just do whatever it is that they wanted. The only things Alec regrets not doing with Magnus is kissing him, kissing him and making love to him. Alec used to think that he had all the time in the world with Magnus, and if they ended up together that would have made him extremely happy, but fate, the universe, or whatever was against them. Against him.

Placing his keys on a nearby counter Alec goes to the kitchen and opens a beer. After Magnus left they kept in touch with calls, texts, even social media. Then one day he stopped. Sitting down on the couch Alec sits and thinks about everything from Magnus leaving to having no idea what he's up to now.

* * *

_"Alec," Magnus says as he comes into their secret spot. He's been crying, the mascara and eyeliner running down his face is evidence enough._

_"Magnus, hey, what's wrong?" Alec asks as he feels his heart pull in his chest and his anger starting to boil ready to go after whom hurt his best friend. The man he loves._

_Magnus stays still for a moment, arms wrapped around himself, before he moves and embraces Alec, as if Alec is the only other person on the planet. As if Alec can protect him. "I-I'm leaving."_

_"Leaving?"_

_"Yes. My parents got job offers in Tennessee. I tried everything I could to try and get them not to take them, but living in New York is expensive, and even if I start working to help out it still won't be enough."_

_Alec feels his world crashing around. Magnus is leaving? He's not going to be in New York anymore?_

_"Wh-when do you leave?"_

_"In two weeks." To them that feels like enough time to get Magnus a job, a job where he can start helping his parents out and they can turn down their offers in Tennessee. But it's also not enough._

_Standing there, holding Magnus, gently rubbing his back as he cries and holds back his own, Alec wishes to tell Magnus that he loves him. That he loves Magnus with all his heart and that he won't move on after Magnus. But Alec knows it's pointless. He could tell Magnus he loves him and get rejected. He could tell Magnus he loves only to have him for a short while only to lose him and cling on to some stupid hope that they might see each other again one day, that a long-distance relationship could workout for them._

_For the rest of the evening they just sit there, not saying anything and hoping, more than anything, that nothing will ever tear them apart._

 

_It's been two years since Magnus moved away to Nashville, which Alec learned is only an hour behind New York's. For a while they called and texted constantly, to the point that Izzy, Jace, Clary, and Simon were all teasing that they finally confessed and are deeply committed to each other. Alec would roll his eyes but smile nonetheless. Then one evening, as he was scrolling through Instagram, Alec saw a photo. It was of Magnus with a fair-skinned and blonde on his left in a tight red dress and a man with brown skin, rumpled hair, dark sparkling eyes, on his right. The man is dressed in a light-green button-up that's only buttoned halfway showing off his chest, and dark jeans. Magnus has on tight leather pants and a leather jacket with necklaces cascading down his chest._

_He swiped to see what accompanied the photo and saw it was a video. In the video the three of them are cheering and having fun, the man in green and the blonde kiss before she goes over to Magnus and kisses him deeply and passionately._

_Alec felt his heart stop and move out of his chest. Of course. Of course Magnus has someone, how could he not? Alec was stupid to think that maybe, just maybe, Magnus felt the same as him and was going to wait. He was stupid to ever think that there was ever a possibility of him and Magnus ever being more than friends. Well, acquaintances now as they have hardly texted or called each other in the last few months._

_Gathering whatever strength he has, Alec goes on all of his social media and unfollows Magnus. He's happy that Magnus is happy, but he can't just sit there and see his best friend be happy while he's miserable. He's sure that isn't good for him. Later, Izzy bursts through his door to inform him that Magnus has noticed that Alec isn't following him anymore and wanted to know if it was because Alec was hacked or something that Jace had done._

_"No," Alec answers. "I did it."_

_"Why?"_

_"I-I love him Iz, and I'm happy he is, that is what love is about, but I can't be here pining after him and seeing him being happy with others while I'm not."_

_"Oh, Alec." Izzy goes over and sits on her brother's bed, hugging him. She knows it won't make him feel better, but it is what he needs. Izzy made up some sort  of lie that Simon hacked him on some dare because Alec is taking a break from social media for a little while._

* * *

After that day, any contact between the two became non-existent as if they never knew each other in the first place. Sometimes Izzy will repost something of Magnus' or Alec will look him up to see how's doing. All-in-all Magnus seems to no longer care that Alec isn't in his life anymore.

 

Magnus hates Tennessee. He has since he was sixteen and found out he was moving here. He has since it took him out of his home. He has since it took him away from the one person he misses most in the world, his best friend, Alec. Alec Lightwood. Magnus hasn't followed Alec on social media for a while but gets tabs on him via Izzy, Alec's sister. Not to mention their friends Jace, Clary, and Simon.

For awhile Magnus thought he could live with it. But as time as come to pass, Magnus has found himself looking Alec up on twitter, Facebook, and Instagram from time to time, just seeing what Alec is doing and if he's alright. Most of Alec's photos are just of his friends and family, having to go deep, deep down to find some with Magnus. Magnus has yet to see one of Alec and someone that could be Alec's significant other, but for all he knows Alec could be with someone right now and just doesn't want it to be posted all over the web. After all, Magnus has had his fair shares of people he does not know coming on to his social media or DMing him that he should not be with the person he's with. That his boyfriend or girlfriend is only a leech, or they're gold diggers, or whatever.

Perhaps Alec has had the same problem in the past. Or maybe he's discovered that he doesn't care for/want sex and many people have turned their backs on him for that reason. Magnus doesn't know, he tries through the others to find out if Alec is seeing someone but they never budge and end up changing the conversation. Of course, Magnus wishes that maybe, just maybe, Alec loves him. In love with him. And he's waiting for the day that they reunite.

But Magnus knows it's pointless. He's certainly tried to move on from Alec with Camille and Imasu (both of whom cheated on him with the other). Besides, Alec is an amazing person, and he deserves someone who can offer him more than Magnus can. The day that Magnus gets the news that Alec is with someone, he'll be happy for Alec. After all, isn't that what you're supposed to do with your best friend? Be happy that they're with someone? Someone who makes them happy, despite the fact that you're in love with them in the first place?

Sighing, Magnus turns of the TV in his den and goes to his room. As he's changing into his pajamas, he looks out his window. He sees the moon and stars and wonders if Alec is looking at them as well. Magnus can feel his heart squeezing in his chest. When they were younger, the one thing most people would catch him and Alec doing was look at the night sky. (They even caught a few meteor showers.) Magnus remembers all those times that they would wish on stars, and every time they did, he always had the same wish. For him and Alec to end up together and be happy. 

But things happen, life, universe, fate, whatever it is. Not longer after Magnus turned sixteen he learned that his parents were planning on moving. He remembers the night he told Alec and wished more than anything that Alec would come out and tell Magnus that he loves him, Magnus would confess too, and they would spend their time making love, maybe even trying to get the Lightwood family to take him in, or him and Alec working on a long distance relationship.

Magnus shudders at the thought of being long-distance with Alexander. If being away from each other pretty much nulled out their friendship, where would they be if they were actually together? Would they have argued a lot? Hated each other? Both unknowingly calling it over and moved on to other people after a fight and not talking it out afterwords?

Laying down, in bed, Magnus thinks about what would have happened if he hadn't left New York. Perhaps he and Alec would have gotten together, loving each other throughout the rest of their high school and college careers, maybe they'd be in a loft right now in Brooklyn, owning a cat or dog, falling asleep after a night of making passionate love, one of them wrapping their arms around the other as the drifted of to sleep.

Magnus can feel the tears in his eyes as he thinks about it. Whatever opportunity he may have had with Alec----if he even had any,----was dashed and now he may never find out what could have happened between them.

Looking out his window one last time, Magnus sees meteors flying across the sky. Closing his eyes Magnus makes a wish. A wish in which Alec is fine. He's happy and with the person he loves more than anything. Because Magnus isn't fine. No. He isn't fine at all. 


End file.
